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Words
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Timeless
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Casey
at the Bat
Listed below is a compilation of humorous, historical, and philosophical quotes that have been referenced for your personal enjoyment. They are intended to give the novice a candid look inside the game we all love so much. Please feel free to e-mail any additional personal favorites that you would like to share with others.
The STLMSBL hopes you enjoy this tribute to baseball lore, and hopes that you will share our efforts with your teammates, friends, and family members.
1) "Trying to sneak a pitch past Hank Aaron is like trying to sneak the sunrise past a rooster." Adcock, Joe
2) "Less than a foot made the difference between a hero and a bum." Alexander, Grover Cleveland - on Tony Lazzeri, who he struck out to save the seventh and deciding game of the 1926 World Series, after Lazzeri had hit a long foul into the stands the pitch before
3) "I'll play first, third, left. I'll play anywhere - except Philadelphia." Allen, Dick
4) "He's a Williams type player. He bats like Ted and fields like Esther." Anonymous Press Box quote, said of Dick Stuart
5) "Grantland Rice, the great sports writer once said, 'It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game.' Well, Grantland Rice can go to hell as far as I'm concerned." Autry, Gene
6) "I looked up the family tree and found I was the sap." Baer Truths #10 - Baer, Arthur "Bugs"
7) "It's a great day for baseball; let's play two." Banks, Ernie
8) "Baseball is ninety percent mental. The other half is physical." Berra, Yogi
9) "Little league baseball is a very good thing because it keeps the parents off the street." Berra, Yogi
10) "You guys are trying to stop Musial in fifteen minutes when the National League ain't stopped him in fifteen years." Berra, Yogi - his comment at an All-Star pregame meeting designed to analyze strengths of National League batters
11) "Congratulations on breaking my record. I always thought the record would stand until it was broken." Berra, Yogi
12) "A hot dog at the ball park, is better than a steak at the Ritz." Bogart, Humphrey
13) "All right, you guys, look horny." Bouton, Jim - on returning from a long road trip
14) "By the end of the season, I feel like a used car." Brenly, Bob
15) "If you don't catch the ball, you catch the bus." Bridges, Rocky - on an inept defensive player
16) "The more I played with them, the more I found that no one could take a joke - my batting average." Bridges, Rocky
17) "Bullpen conversations cover the gambit of male bullsessions. Sex, religion, politics, sex. Full circle. Ocassionally, the game - or business - of baseball intrudes." Brosnan, Jim
18) "You can't make chicken salad out of chicken shit ...." Brown, Joe
19) "A curve ball that doesn't give a damn." Cannon, Jimmy - on his definition of a knuckleball
20) "Aw, how could he lose the ball in the sun, he's from Mexico." Caray, Harry
21) "In football, the object is to march into enemy territory and cross his goal. In baseball, the object is to go home." Carlin, George
22) "I'm going to write a book: How to make a small fortune in Baseball - you start with a large fortune." Carpenter, Ruly - on being president and owner of the Philadelphia Phillies
23) "Pro-rated at 500 at-bats a year, that means that for two years out of the fourteen I played, I never even touched the ball." Cash, Norm
24) "I refuse to call a 52-year-old man, Sparky." Clark, Al - on why he called the Tiger manager George Anderson
25) "I knew something was wrong when the ground was moving faster than I was." Clark, Will - on the 1989 World Series earthquake
26) "You've got to remember - I'm 73." Cobb, Ty - on why he thought he would hit only .300 against modern day pitching
27) "Elvis has a better chance of coming back than the Jays." Costas, Bob - from game 1 of the 1989 American League Championship Series
28) "This guy is so old that the first time he had athlete's foot, he used Absorbine, Sr." Costas, Bob - on 45 year old Yankee pitcher Tommy John
29) "Mr. President, you go tell the Russians we're having an awful good time over here playing baseball." Dempsey, Rick - talking to President Ronald Reagan, via phone from the Orioles clubhouse in Philadelphia after the Orioles defeated the Phillies to win the 1983 World Series
30) "It's got to be better than rooming with Joe Page." DiMaggio, Joe - when asked if his marriage to Marilyn Monroe would be good for him
31) "That wouldn't be a Home Run in a phone booth." Caray, Harry, after a disappointing infield pop-up by a Cubs slugger
32) "It breaks your heart. It is designed to break your heart. The game begins in the spring, when everything else begins again, and it blossoms in the summer, filling the afternoons and evenings, and then as soon as the chill rains come, it stops and leaves you to face the fall alone. You count on it, rely on it to buffer the passage of time, to keep the memory of sunshine and high skies alive, and just when the days are all twilight, when you need it most, it stops." Giamatti, A. Bartlett, the former commissioner of Major League Baseball
33) "Ripken will finish more games this year than Goose Gossage." Palmer, Jim, Baltimore Orioles pitcher, after manager Earl Weaver was ejected from an exhibition game and replaced by third base coach, Cal Ripken, Sr.
34) "The only good thing about playing in Cleveland is you don't have to make road trips there." Scheinblum, Richie - Cincinnati Red outfielder, on his career with the Cleveland Indians
35) "If I were sitting down with George Steinbrenner and based on what Dave Winfield got for his statistics, I'd have to say, 'George, you and I are about to become partners'." DiMaggio, Joe - reflecting on what his salary might have been in baseball's current free-agent market
36) "I told him I wasn't tired. He told me, 'No, but the outfielders sure are'." Kern, Jim - Texas Rangers pitcher, recalling an occassion when a manager removed him for a reliever
37) "It takes him an hour and a half to watch 60 minutes." Davidson, Donald - Houston Astros executive, extolling pitcher Joe Niekro's ability to relax
38) "No umpire can see it, no batter can hit it, no pitcher would ever admit to throwing it. It is unwanted, unloved, unallowed, a UFO in horsehide, a slippery figment of the imagination. Yet, it [remains] the subject of more discussion than the miniskirt in major league dugouts." Weiskopf, Herman - after Burleigh Grimes threw the last legal spitball, September 20, 1934
39) "Gene Garber is paid... for getting hitters like Pete Rose out the best way he can, and the best way Garber can is by throwing his best pitch, the change. Few players have pursued the crystallization of excellence more doggedly than Rose. He should recognize that pursuit when he sees it in others." Newman, Bruce - after Pete Rose fumes after striking out on a changeup to snap his 44-game hitting streak, August 1, 1978
40) "Philadelphia is the only city in the world where you can experience the thrill of victory and the agony of reading about it the next day." Schmidt, Mike - addressing a Philadelphia sportswriters' banquet, February 9, 1981
41) "I managed a team that was so bad we considered a 2-and-0 count on the batter a rally." Donnelly, Rich
42) "Without Ernie Banks, the Cubs would finish in Albuquerque." Dykes, Jimmy
43) "He is easily the slowest player since Ernie Lombardi was thrown out at first base trying to stretch a double into a single." Stanley, Frank - on Lou Boudreau
44) "One thing you learn as a Cubs fan: When you bought your ticket, you could bank on seeing the bottom of the ninth." Garagiola, Joe
45) "There is no room in baseball for discrimination. It is our national pasttime and a game for all." Gehrig, Lou
46) "A great catch is like watching girls go by - the last one you see is always the prettiest." Gibson, Bob
47) "I don't want to throw him nothin'. Maybe he'll just get tired of waitin' and leave.." Gomez, Vernon "Lefty" - preparing to pitch to Jimmy Foxx, answering his catcher Bill Dickey's question: "What do you want to throw him?"
48) "An umpire doesn't eject a manager or player, they eject themselves. They know exactly what they can say and who they can say it to. So when somebody is thrown out, he has either completely lost control, or he intended to be run." Gregg, Eric
49) "Baseball is the only sport I know that when you're on offense, the other team controls the ball." Harrelson, Ken
50) "Sending Marge Schott to sensitivity training is like sending a pickpocket to a Rolex convention." Reilly, Rick
51) "Don't forget to swing hard in case you hit the ball." Held, Woodie
52) "Landis cleaned it up, and Babe Ruth glorified it." Henrich, Tommy
53) "Yeah, and we're missing a little geography and arithmetic around here, too!" Herzog, Whitey - on poor "chemistry" in St Louis in 1980
54) "It's a little like watching Mario Andretti park a car." Kiner, Ralph - as an announcer describing Phil Niekro's knuckleball
55) "There is still nothing in life as constant and as changing at the same time as an afternoon at a ballpark." King, Larry
56) "Son, when you pitch a strike, Mr. Hornsby will let you know it." Klem, Bill - to a rookie pitcher who complained that the pitches Rogers Hornsby didn't swing at were always called balls by Klem
57) "Young man, if that bat comes down.... you're out of the game." Klem, Bill - to Jake Powell, who had just thrown his bat in the air
58) "There isn't enough mustard in the world to cover that hot dog." Knowles, Darold - on Reggie Jackson in 1974
59) "I used to be so bad my bat would close its eyes when I came up." Koosman, Jerry
60) "People who write that spring training not being necessary have never tried to throw a baseball." Koufax, Sandy
61) "I found out that it's not good to talk about my troubles. Eighty percent of the people who hear them don't care and the other twenty percent are glad you're having trouble." Lasorda, Tommy
62) "According to the Sporting News, over the last four years, Wade Boggs hit .800 with women in scoring position." Letterman, David - on the Wade Boggs-Margo Adams affair
63) "I'm going to Radio Shack to buy one of those headsets like the broadcasters use. It seems as soon as you put one on, you get 100 times smarter." Leyva, Nick - Phiiles manager, on becoming tired of criticism from the TV booth
64) "The bases were drunk, and I painted the black with my best yakker. But blue squeezed me, and I went full. I came back with my heater, but the stick flares one other way and the chalk flies for two bases. Three earnies! Next thing I know, skipper hooks me and I'm snipping suds with the clubby." Lynch, Ed
65) "A team is where a boy can prove his courage on his own. A gang is where a coward goes to hide." Mantle, Mickey
66) ".... if I had played my career hitting singles like Pete, I'd wear a dress." Mantle, Mickey
67) "Bob Gibson is the luckiest pitcher I ever saw. He always pitches when the other team doesn't score any runs." McCarver, Tim
68) "See that? That cement head is thinking more about that girl than today's game. Remember, this son. One percent of ballplayers are leaders of men. The other 99 percent are followers of women." McGraw, Jon - to a rookie after spotting a player ogling a woman in the stands
69) "Ninety percent I'll spend on good times, women and Irish
whiskey. The other 10 percent I'll probably waste." McGraw, Jon
- Phillie pitcher on how he intended to use his $75,000 salary
70) "You clowns can go on What's My Line in full uniforms and
stump the panel." Meyer, Billy - manager of the Pirates,
addressing his team after they had lost another of the 112 games they
were to lose in 1952
71) "Baseball is a game where a curve is an optical illusion, a
screwball can be a pitch or a person, stealing is legal and you can
spit anywhere you like except in the umpire's eye or on the
ball." Murray, Jim
72) "Baseball is like a poker game. Nobody wants to quit when
he's losing; nobody wants to quit when you're ahead." Robinson, Jackie
73) "Baseball is a game where a curve is an optical illusion, a
screwball can be a pitch or a person, stealing is legal and you can
spit anywhere you like except in the umpire's eye or on the
ball." Murray, Jim
74) "It's rediculous that we are gathered here tonight to honor
a man who made more than 7,000 outs." Prince, Bob - the Pirate
announcer at Stan Musial's retirement dinner
75) "The batter still hits a grounder. But in this case the
first bounce is 360 feet away." Quisinberry, Dan - as a Kansas
City Royal on what happens when his sinker isn't working
76) "Above anything else, I hate to lose." Robinson, Jackie
77) "Baseball is like a poker game. Nobody wants to quit when
he's losing; nobody wants to quit when you're ahead." Robinson, Jackie
78) "Ed, you're the second-best umpire in the league. The other
23 are tied for first." Yastrzemski, Carl - To umpire Ed Runge,
who credited Yaz with the best barb ever handed to an ump by a player
79) "Old-timers weekends and airplane landings are alike. If you
can walk away from them, they're successful." Stengeles-Casey,
Stengel - As Dodger manager
80) "The secret of managing is to keep the guys who hate you
away from the guys who are undecided." Stengelese-Casey, Stengel
81) "It's the only occupation where a man has to be perfect the
first day on the job and then improve over the years." Runge, Ed
- San Diego resident on his profession as an American League umpire
82) "Cardinal rule for all hitters with two strikes on them:
Never trust the umpire!." Smith, Robert -Quoted by William
Safire and Leonard Safir in Words of Wisdom
83) "They give you a round bat and they throw you a round ball.
And they tell you to hit it square." Stargell, Willie
84) "Being with a women all night never hurt no professional
baseball player. Its staying up all night looking for a women that
does him in." Stengelese-Casey, Stengel - Off quoted curfew line
85) "Baseball is the only field of endeavor where a man can
succeed three times out of ten and be considered a good
performer." Williams, Ted - The man with a lifetime .344 batting
average, quoted several year after his retirement
86) "When you play this game for 20 years, go to bat 10,000
times, and get 3,000 hits, do you know what that means? You've gone 0
for 7,000." Gargiola, Joe
87) "It's the only occupation where a man has to be perfect the
first day on the job and then improve over the years." Runge, Ed
- San Diego resident on his profession as an American League umpire
88) "I know, but I had a better year than Hoover." Babe,
Ruth - reply when a reporter objected that the salary he was
demanding was greater than that of President Hoover
89) "They have crooked arms. They throw crooked, they walk
crooked and they think crooked. They even wear their clothes crooked.
You have to figure they're a little crazy." Schact, Al - On left-handed
pitchers
90) "Putting lights in Wrigley Field is like putting aluminum
siding on the Sistine Chapel." Simon, Roger
91) "Cardinal rule for all hitters with two strikes on them:
Never trust the umpire!." Smith, Robert -Quoted by William
Safire and Leonard Safir in Words of Wisdom
92) "They give you a round bat and they throw you a round ball.
And they tell you to hit it square." Stargell, Willie
93) "Being with a women all night never hurt no professional
baseball player. Its staying up all night looking for a women that
does him in." Stengelese-Casey, Stengel - Off quoted curfew line
94) "Baseball is the only field of endeavor where a man can
succeed three times out of ten and be considered a good
performer." Williams, Ted - The man with a lifetime .344 batting
average, quoted several year after his retirement
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